The truth is, having haters is a good thing! I honestly remember watching an episode of Oprah back in the day and on this particular episode she shared that she received 3,000 pieces of hate mail a day. I also remember when I received my first piece of hate mail and the smile that crossed my face as I realized I had arrived.
My arrival was due to the fact that I was going against the grain, I was showing up differently, I was taking risks, and as a result, it made people uncomfortable. If you are here to usher transformation into the lives of others, not everyone is going to like that.
If you are in business and are leveraging your knowledge and expertise to serve others, you will rustle the feathers of people, sometimes causing them to “hate on you.” I personally, after having built my own business and having worked with hundreds of others directly to build theirs, believe that if no one is bothered by your presence in the marketplace, you don’t really have a business.
I know, it’s strong. But I remember my dad’s sage words when I was bullied as a child, “if no one is talking about you, you are doing something wrong.” And, I maintain that if no one is talking about you (for good or bad reasons) you are doing something wrong. If you are a game changer, you won’t please everyone. More importantly, some people will hate that you are successful.
What I’ve realized is that when those who love us direct their negative energy in our direction, it is likely because we are being a mirror for who they wish they could be. You know, writing the book, speaking on the big stages, working for ourselves, etc.
But negative people could be just what you need to shift the trajectory of your business.
In this episode of Incredible Factor TV, my creative director, Blake, is having his say and asking a question that has been on his mind:
“How do you manage to get rid of negative friends and family (the haters) as you are building your business?”
See my response to his question in this week’s episode of Incredible Factor TV:
As I share in the episode, you need haters. Haters keep you on your game and haters let you know whether or not you are relevant. When people have an opinion – good or bad – it gives you clarity that what you’re doing is what you desire.
Here are some tips to deal with negativity:
Get clear about who the “haters” are in your life and the reason they are there. Incredible SNATCHERS, as I like to call them, have one purpose – to keep you on track toward achieving your goals. Anything else means that they are presenting a distraction and you need to step away from the noise (more on that next).
Distance yourself. Just because your family is negative doesn’t mean you have to spend all of your time with them. Show up just before dinner starts and have a place to be right after. Instead of feeding into their behavior, consciously decide to do something different with your time.
Stand by your commitment to shift from the negativity. Making the non-negotiable decision that you are over the negativity is an important step. I often suggest that my clients go on a negativity fast – from themselves, their words and those who they spend their time with. Did you know that you may be your biggest Incredible SNATCHER? By getting away from negative thoughts and from those who add frustration and anxiety, you will clear the decks and allow yourself to get quiet, and therefore clear.
Try this self-assessment:
Write down the five people with whom you spend the majority of your time.
If you feel like they “ride or die” for you, give them a plus sign.
If the thought of them makes you want to roll your eyes, give them a minus sign.
If you feel indifferent and can’t validate how they affect you, give them a slash sign.
The goal, is to phase out the minus signs, spend more time with the plus signs and remember that you get to choose who you spend your time with. If negativity keeps you from focusing on what it takes to build your business, cut it out!
Your Assignment: Complete your Five People Assessment. Begin to shift from anyone who isn’t a plus sign in your life.
Now I want to hear from you: What’s your two cents? How do you deal with negative people? How do you focus your energy on those things that are most important for you without allowing them to affect your business growth and success?
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